It has been a few weeks since my last post and life has been full of meetings, traveling and no access to my computer!

Two weeks ago I went back to campus to attend the President's Council Leadership Retreat. I felt ready to go and convinced that this meeting was the start of the end of my time away and that sabbatical would look different than it had. Well little did I know how dramatically different it would be from this retreat forward.

I absolutely loved seeing everyone again but quickly realized that any walls that I had up before leaving were gone and I was vulnerable. Not personally but spiritually, and I found myself moving in and out of the meetings trying to gain my footing. It was like everything that I had identified as an area for strengthening was being challenged immediately. I left the time praying earnestly to God to please speak to me as I headed to Cedar Springs Retreat Center a day later.

My back began to hurt a little the second day of the PC retreat but seemed to be better on the Sunday I headed towards Washington for the CCCU Advanced Leadership Institute for Women. I had a picture in my mind of walking through the beautiful property, continuing sabbath and hearing clearing from the Lord before re-entry into APU. The second day my back went out - I can't tell you when or how, but it went out - and has been out ever since. Without making a big story here about my back I want to share what I am learning during the pain...

One of the devotions given at ALI was regarding the temptation of Jesus in Matthew. Our speaker began talking about how satan went after Jesus after his rest. It was like she was sharing this devotion with me - that satan is going after me as I end this amazing time of rest, bringing doubt and confusion. I began to see that this re-entry was going to be a struggle and that I was going to have to fight hard against it. I personally believe in spiritual warfare and began to find myself in it. Praise the Lord for some wonderful new friends in the process, friends who spoke words of truth and encouragement into me.

I arrived home Monday and have been in bed most of the time since. I still don't understand why and I am praying for healing. However I know that this journey is part of my sabbatical and will be a defining moment in the days ahead.