Lots of Learning...

Though I wanted to blog about my practicum week and recent APU board meetings, my real reason for writing tonight is to share what is happening in my life on a deeper level.  I had decided months ago that I would take the Monday after practicum off to refocus, and I was glad that I did.  Though all that I experienced the week prior was once again transformational, I needed to reflect and find solitude.  I found myself feeling broken and at a place where my learning from sabbatical, work, and school were all coming together.  It was an overwhelming sense of God working on something in my life, but an inability to name it or work through it.  No doubt about it, I needed time with God.

I decided to take a long walk near my house, and took only my ipod with me. As I began to listen to one of the albums I found most inspirational during sabbatical, I found a worshipful and reflective place.  As I walked up Euclid Ave. I found myself open before the Lord, wondering when he was going to begin to put the pieces of my learning back together.  I resembled a puzzle where all the pieces were on the table waiting to be put back together.   As I walked, I was overcome with emotion as I listened to a song by Natalie Grant, Back at my Heart.

As I was reflecting on the words a single butterfly flew by me.  I was overcome with emotion.  For those of you who have been following my journey, you know that during my sabbatical I was able to capture a photo of a butterfly during a rich conversation with a dear friend.  We refer to the photo as a picture of the Holy Spirit moving in and around our lives.  It was as if the Lord was saying, "I am here Deana, and my Holy Spirit is still moving in and around your life - I am reminding you that I am here, present in your life even when you are unsure." 

Even as I write this I am overcome with emotion - how amazing that our God would send a small symbol of hope to me as I walked and called out to Him!  I am in awe!  I have inserted the chorus of the song I was listening to below:

Meanwhile back at my heart

I'm desperate for all that You are

See through me and take me apart

Meanwhile back at my soul

Mend me, please make me whole

You know just where to start

Back at my heart, back at my heart

I continue on this journey of transformation, and wonder what it is that God is really working on in me.  There are days I struggle to trust in his ultimate plan, but just when I begin to lose sight, he sends a friend, a message, or even a butterfly, to remind me that He is present.  I am extremely thankful that he is the one working in my life!